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Literature Text
Chapter 2
Part 2- The Hollow
Filled with hate. So much anger. This was my anger, so many repressed feelings and memories, so many broken bridges, so many loose ends. So much to fix before my soul can rest. Anger, spite, churns within my soul, my body, the pit of my stomach. I want to scream. Always screaming inside, never heard, never helped in the way I need.
Love had evaded me until I met my complete opposite, yet I still felt anger, still feel anger, still feel hatred. It's starting to broil over, I'm hurting inside. I want to hold it in until I can find a way to channel, but my gut says no, it tells me it's time to inflict the pain they have dealt on me for so long, too long, almost all my life.
These memories in my head, so much pain, pain ferments, forgiveness, or a chance to consider such an act, fades, anger swells within the empty hole that had been left by the pain, the embarrassment, so much... Hurting. So much of an discontented feeling. Pain and emptiness leads to dependency, I know I latch on, I know I'm codependent on him, but he doesn't seem to mind, or maybe even notice. Why?
He doesn't even know half of why the hollow is there. Although that spirit filled it, my feelings had always been the same. Spiritual unrest just amplified them. Like now.
So much...
The hollow screams "Feed me! Fill me up again!" But it can never be satisfied. Not through sex, not through the fulfillment of my pleasurable desires, nothing. It can be temporarily passivized, but even then, it seems to silently scream, giving me headaches when I repress the urge to attack someone.
I need to kill this feeling. The only way I know how is to tie up the loose ends. The loose ends haunt me. I need closure, and I know I won't ever be able to let go until I close all the open doors of my past behind me.
I just want to heal, but the anger keeps on biting at old wounds and tormenting me. Spiritual unrest is slowly killing me, along with depression and anger.
Although he keeps the emotions at bay, I do not know if he can forever.
I hate having doubts.
Part 2- The Hollow
Filled with hate. So much anger. This was my anger, so many repressed feelings and memories, so many broken bridges, so many loose ends. So much to fix before my soul can rest. Anger, spite, churns within my soul, my body, the pit of my stomach. I want to scream. Always screaming inside, never heard, never helped in the way I need.
Love had evaded me until I met my complete opposite, yet I still felt anger, still feel anger, still feel hatred. It's starting to broil over, I'm hurting inside. I want to hold it in until I can find a way to channel, but my gut says no, it tells me it's time to inflict the pain they have dealt on me for so long, too long, almost all my life.
These memories in my head, so much pain, pain ferments, forgiveness, or a chance to consider such an act, fades, anger swells within the empty hole that had been left by the pain, the embarrassment, so much... Hurting. So much of an discontented feeling. Pain and emptiness leads to dependency, I know I latch on, I know I'm codependent on him, but he doesn't seem to mind, or maybe even notice. Why?
He doesn't even know half of why the hollow is there. Although that spirit filled it, my feelings had always been the same. Spiritual unrest just amplified them. Like now.
So much...
The hollow screams "Feed me! Fill me up again!" But it can never be satisfied. Not through sex, not through the fulfillment of my pleasurable desires, nothing. It can be temporarily passivized, but even then, it seems to silently scream, giving me headaches when I repress the urge to attack someone.
I need to kill this feeling. The only way I know how is to tie up the loose ends. The loose ends haunt me. I need closure, and I know I won't ever be able to let go until I close all the open doors of my past behind me.
I just want to heal, but the anger keeps on biting at old wounds and tormenting me. Spiritual unrest is slowly killing me, along with depression and anger.
Although he keeps the emotions at bay, I do not know if he can forever.
I hate having doubts.
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© 2011 - 2024 Emmi-Heldt
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